Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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