Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
