you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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