Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
