I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
