and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
