Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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