end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
