Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.

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(503): View more from Oregon

So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.

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(646): View more from New York

His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.

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(904): View more from Florida

And my parents said I crawled through the house

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(516): View more from New York

I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.

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(208): View more from Idaho

He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.

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