So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
