And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
