Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
