You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i came on her dog
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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