Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
