New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
