i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
