Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i came on her dog
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
