That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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