i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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