I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
