ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
