I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
