I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
