At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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