A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Blood and glitter go together right?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
