Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I intend to get homeless drunk
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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