I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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