he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
