You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
