I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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