I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
