im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
