i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My vagina is very pro this idea
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