Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
