I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He did a backflip because drugs
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