I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We have started to decorate penises.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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