Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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