Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
