Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
