You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I deserve this hangover.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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