Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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