he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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