So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
