come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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