someone threw a dead crab at me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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