I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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