yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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