hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
