SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
