I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
