I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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