My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
