just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We are two peas in an std pod
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
