May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
