And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
