Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
