you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
