i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
