when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
