The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird