Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
