my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
